5 Causes of Burnout for INFJs and INFPs

Most INFJs and INFPs report chronic low-energy levels, with many also reporting chronic illness and chronic pain. It’s also very common for many INFJs and INFPs to struggle with motivation in life, as many of us can’t seem to gather the energy to start — or finish — big tasks and projects.

The following is a list of the 5 major causes of burnout for INFJs and INFPs…

#1 — Our Default Mode Is to Meet Others’ Needs Before We Meet Our Own

Most INFJs and INFPs automatically put everyone else’s needs before their own because they subconsciously believe that they need to earn their worth through meeting the needs of others.

Putting others’ needs first may take the form of people-pleasing, constant accommodation, or codependency and enabling. We also might carry the feeling that if we don’t meet everyone else’s needs on a constant basis, then crisis will occur, or relationships will fall apart.

This puts us in the position of always giving our energy to others, even when we don’t have enough for ourselves. When we routinely give more energy than we have available, or we give more energy than we are able to replenish within ourselves, we are headed for burnout.

#2 — We Are Terrified of Saying No

For many INFJs and INFPs, people-pleasing isn’t something we feel like we should do, it’s something we feel like we have to do. In fact, the term “people-pleasing” all by itself doesn’t quite cover it, as it’s really a euphemism for a deeper, more dysfunctional behavior called “fawning.”

Fawning is a survival strategy fueled by fear, and we use it when we are afraid of other people. We may be afraid of them becoming angry or abusive with us, or we may simply be afraid of them disapproving of us or being displeased. But no matter what kind of negative reaction the other person might display, the root cause of the fawning is the same within us — fear.

Fawning and people-pleasing drives us to always say yes, to whatever other people want, whenever they want it, no matter how we are feeling about the matter. This puts us right back in the cycle of giving more energy that we have available to spend.

#3 — We Are Disconnected from Our Own Bodies

Some INFJs and INFPs have severe disconnection with the body due to past trauma, and some of us just naturally gravitate more toward the mental and emotional centers of our energy system for processing. Whatever the reason, most INFJs and INFPs have a hard time paying attention to the body and being in the body.

What this means is that it’s hard for us to notice when our bodies are telling us, “Stop!” “Enough!” and “No more!” Many of us push through headaches, stomach upset, chronic muscle tension, skin irritation, and other physical symptoms that are trying to send us the message to slow down and rest.

The first symptoms of burnout are always signaled to us by the body via physical symptoms that show us where we are shrinking and constricting. When we can begin to pay attention to areas where we regularly constrict (head, neck, shoulders, back, stomach), and what’s going on in those areas, we can begin to see when we are approaching unhealthy levels of stress in our lives.

#4 — We Don’t Recognize Our Unique Energy Needs

INFJs and INFPs have vastly different energy needs than the rest of the population. We are highly sensitive to the energy of other human beings (especially their emotional energy) and we can quickly become drained by being around a lot of other people. Working in traditional offices, running a lot of errands during busy shopping hours, and socializing frequently during our days off are all activities that will deplete us of more energy than we can recharge in the same amount of time.

This also applies to our relationships with other people. INFJs and INFPs often attract people with problems. Sometimes these people are narcissistic energy vampires, and sometimes they’re perfectly nice well-meaning friends who just happen to always need counseling and emotional support. Either way, when we spend an hour or two with someone who is extremely needy and feeds off our compassion and our ability to emotionally hold space for them, we’ll need at least a day or two to recover.

Whenever we think about how we want to spend our time, we need to be realistic about the energy exchange. One hour with a friend who drains us of ten energy units is not worth it, if it will then take us one or two days to recharge and get those ten energy units back.

#5 — We Try to Force Ourselves to Be Like Everyone Else

This last cause ties into every cause listed above. From a young age, INFJs and INFPs typically force themselves to try to do things like other people, because we are self-conscious about standing out, and we tend to see our high sensitivity and our unique energy needs as evidence of weakness. So, we push ourselves to work in offices, work in retail, go to happy hours, go to our friends’ parties, talk on the phone to friends and family, be a “good” friend whenever we can (i.e., give our friends all the energy they want from us), and many other things that drain and deplete us.

The absolute best thing an INFJ or INFP can do to heal burnout is to accept and acknowledge that being an INF person means you are not like everyone else, and you are going to have to live a very different kind of life in order to balance your energy. Most other people are not going to understand this different kind of life you need to thrive, and that’s okay. Because usually part of healing burnout is also letting go of all the various things and situations and people that are causing the burnout.

I talk about these kinds of topics for INFJs and INFPs every week in my email newsletter, and if you have a question about personality type, personal growth, or any other kind of wondering about life in general, you can send it my way and I’ll add it to my list of questions to be answered. You can sign up for my email newsletter here, and you can send your questions to lauren@laurensapala.com.