INFJs and Lone Wolf Syndrome

Lauren Sapala
3 min readNov 24, 2023

Many INFJ personality types describe themselves as a “lone wolf,” which means their preference is to keep an extremely small circle of friends, and not ask for help unless it’s absolutely necessary. This results in most INFJ personality types being not only self-sufficient, but also hyper-independent, and relying on this quality of hyper-independence to get them through life.

Being a lone wolf can be positive for INFJ personality types, as they tend to be very self-directed in the workplace and they can go for long periods of time on their own, immersed in their own projects, without needing constant social interaction. However, it’s also quite common for INFJ personality types to attach themselves to the mindset of being a lone wolf and idealize their own hyper-independence to the point where they never ask for help from anyone, and they become convinced that they need to do everything on their own. This can lead to extreme stress and burnout. It can also lead to the INFJ becoming convinced that it’s impossible to trust anyone else. Within this type of lone wolf mindset, asking for help is a sign of weakness and any indication of vulnerability is dangerous.

An INFJ who is struggling deep in the grip of lone wolf syndrome ends up feeling very alone, isolated, and misunderstood, because they have cut themselves off from connecting and collaborating with others. This heightens the INFJ’s natural introversion and that results in increased social anxiety for INFJs.

I talk more about this in the video below:

I’m teaching a new class all about this topic. It’s called “Living for Yourself” and it starts on Thursday, Nov 30. I got the idea for this class based on the comments of the students I had in a previous class when we talked about how deeply INFJs struggle with living for ourselves, because we so often put the needs of everyone else first. This is a topic that hits hard for a lot of INFJs (and INFPs) so I expect this class will resonate with a lot of people.

Make sure you SUBSCRIBE to my newsletter HERE to get all the updates on when registration for Living for Yourself opens, and please also SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel here to get more videos on life as an INFJ or INFP, creativity and writing, and intuition. If you have any questions about the class, you can send them to me here.

I’m really excited about this new class, and I would love to see you there!

Lauren Sapala is the author of Writing on the Intuitive Side of the Brain, The INFJ Writer, The INFJ Revolution, and the creator of Energy and Intuition for INFJs, an online course for INFJs on intuition, relationships, creativity, and more. She is also currently offering a free copy of her book Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy.

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Lauren Sapala

Writer. Writing Coach. Author of The INFJ Writer: Cracking the Creative Genius of the World’s Rarest Type. www.laurensapala.com