INFJs, INFPs, and Aging Narcissist Parents

Lauren Sapala
2 min readMay 24, 2024

INFJ personality types and INFP personality types frequently struggle with caregiving for an aging narcissist parent. This is a very difficult situation to be in with a close family member, especially a parent, because the INFJ or INFP must be in regular contact with the narcissist, and with all of their dysfunctional behavioral patterns.

Added to this is the fact that, for most INFJ personality types and INFP personality types who grew up with a narcissistic parent, they have never felt truly seen or validated by the parent. This pattern of feeling dismissed, ignored, mocked, or shamed, only becomes stronger as the parent reaches old age. Narcissists are often arrested at a certain early stage of development, and they do not grow past that stage of emotional immaturity. As they age, the dysfunctional energy patterns they use to defensively protect their fragile egos become calcified, and their toxic personality traits become entrenched.

This results in a deep sense of sorrow and disappointment for INFJ personality types and INFP personality types who are caretaking an aging narcissist parent, and still subconsciously wishing that things were different, and that the parent could see and value them for who they really are. However, narcissists at any age are incapable of extending unconditional love to other people, and so, trying to receive this kind of love from them is always a losing battle.

The way to make peace with this situation with an aging narcissistic parent is to work with letting go of getting your needs met by them. Enlisting support and connecting with those who do see us and value us for the people we are is also essential.

I talk more about this in the video below:

I’m teaching a workshop called Narcissists and Boundaries, happening on Wednesday May 29 at 4:00pm EST. This is a 90-minute workshop for INFJ personality types and INFP personality types who are actively dealing with narcissists in their lives, or have a history of relationships with narcissists and want to avoid falling into that same dynamic again.

You can find all the details and register here:

NARCISSISTS AND BOUNDARIES

And if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me here.

I would love to see you there!

Lauren Sapala is the author of Writing on the Intuitive Side of the Brain, The INFJ Writer, The INFJ Revolution, and the creator of Energy and Intuition for INFJs, an online course for INFJs on intuition, relationships, creativity, and more. She is also currently offering a free copy of her book Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy.

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Lauren Sapala

Writer. Writing Coach. Author of The INFJ Writer: Cracking the Creative Genius of the World’s Rarest Type. www.laurensapala.com