INFJs, INFPs, and the Different Types of People Who Show Up in Our Lives

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of questions from my readers about human energy patterns.

Many have sent me examples of the people who are showing up in their lives, wondering what kind of energy patterns these people are carrying, and why they seem to become involved with the same types over and over, or why they’re involved with them now.

One person brought up a certain type of woman, and I immediately identified that type as a “Wicked Queen.”

I had a Wicked Queen in my life, years ago.

It wasn’t a very fun experience.

But it did push me to level up in ways that were astounding.

I met my Wicked Queen when I was 28 years old, and I was still functioning like a teenager.

I went from job to job, and city to city, most of my belongings carted along with me in milk crates and boxes that I never unpacked.

I had major anxiety about money, commitment, intimacy, vulnerability, and loss of control.

My self-worth was pretty consistently in the toilet. I doubted my abilities on every front.

I was basically still a very insecure 16-year-old, in a 28-year-old’s body.

Then my Wicked Queen phase happened.

The whole relationship lasted just under 2 years. 23 months to be exact.

When I came out on the other side, I was a different person.

I was battle-worn and weary, but I wasn’t so doubting of my abilities anymore.

I had been through the fire and come out alive, and I felt that counted for something.

I had also learned a lot about myself. I had seen a future vision of what I could become in my Wicked Queen, if I was able to channel her good qualities (because she did have some), and manage the negative ones.

My experience with my Wicked Queen was one of the hardest experiences of my life, but it was also one of the most valuable.

Because that relationship acted as a mirror for me.

That’s what our relationships do for us, especially the most important and pivotal ones.

In fact, there is another type of person that might show up in your life called a “Pivot Facilitator.”

A Pivot Facilitator is someone who shows up in your life for a short, very intense, period of time, and because of the role they play, they pivot your life.

It’s almost like, you’re just bopping along, minding your own business, and then this person drops into your life, picks you up off the chessboard and puts you down again in a totally different position.

I also had a relationship with a Pivot Facilitator.

My Pivot Facilitator came to me in the form of someone I had an extremely intense romantic relationship with, which only lasted a few months.

There was no warning they were going to show up. I met this person totally randomly, they caused a tornado in my life, and then they bounced.

But my whole life had changed.

Because of them, I moved across the country. I left everything I knew behind in Michigan and started a new life in Seattle. And then I made new friends in Seattle, and then I met the person who is now my husband. I then decided to move to San Francisco (my now-husband came with me) and I met my Wicked Queen. And she got me to start writing again. And then I wrote a novel, and then another, and then another. And then I started my business and…

You get the picture.

The Pivot Facilitator showed up, yanked hard on the steering wheel of my life, and set me down a new road.

That new road led me ultimately to where I am now.

And, as mentioned, along the way I had the experience with my Wicked Queen.

All of us have these experiences with people who come into our lives and play different roles in our storyline, but we often forget that each role serves a very specific purpose.

We also often forget that we can discover hidden parts of ourselves, if we know how to read the storyline.

We forget that other people and relationships are always a mirror.

For example, both my Pivot Facilitator and my Wicked Queen were showing me parts of myself that I didn’t know how to see at the time.

My Pivot Facilitator was a risk-taker. A traveler and an adventurer. And an artist.

Those were all parts of myself that I was afraid of owning at that time, because I was afraid I couldn’t live up to them.

Then, as mentioned, when I met my Wicked Queen, I was struggling with still feeling like a teenager, even though I was in my late 20s.

As narcissistic as she was, my Wicked Queen was also a successful entrepreneur. And she was powerful. She let her negative qualities get the best of her, but she also had the potential to be a great leader.

These were also qualities in myself that I was terrified to acknowledge or step into.

As painful as these relationships were (and boy were they painful, I truly suffered through both of them), they both pushed me to a new level.

After the Pivot Facilitator made his exit, I was able to step into the risk-taking artist-adventurer I had always had inside me. I moved to San Francisco (huge risk, I knew no one and had no money) and started writing.

After the Wicked Queen left my life, I committed to finishing my book, and I knew the basics of starting a company, a foundation that served me well when I launched my own business years later.

Every important person in our life plays some sort of role like this. And if we can identify the different energies at play, we can figure out how to work with them.

So, think about the different roles people are playing in YOUR life. Who is showing up for you the most right now, in the most triggering way? Who might be acting as a mirror for issues you’re working with inside, that you haven’t yet acknowledged outwardly yet? What kind of types seem to show up over and over again?

When we begin to answer these kinds of questions, we begin to understand the underlying themes our lives.

We begin to push ourselves toward new levels of growth.

And we ultimately become the person we are meant to be.

I talk about these kinds of topics for INFJs and INFPs every week in my email newsletter, and if you have a question about personality type, personal growth, or any other kind of wondering about life in general, you can send it my way and I’ll add it to my list of questions to be answered. You can sign up for my email newsletter here, and you can send your questions to lauren@laurensapala.com.