Most Common Roles Played by INFJs and INFPs in Dysfunctional Families

In dysfunctional family systems, roles are assigned to family members which they unconsciously accept in order to continue to be part of the family. Those who rebel against their assigned role are punished by other family members as a way to make them “fall back in line.”

For example, INFJ and INFP people are often either assigned the role of the scapegoat or the mediator. Taking on the identity of these roles keeps us small, and also traps us in our dysfunctional family dynamic.

Most INFJs and INFPs don’t realize we’ve been living in these roles until we are well into adulthood and have put some distance between ourselves and our dysfunctional family.

These are the most common roles played by INFJs and INFPs in dysfunctional families:

Scapegoat

Mediator / Counselor

The Crazy One

Mom or Dad’s Helper

Mom or Dad’s Surrogate Spouse (INFJ men, in particular, tend to be forced into the role of Mom’s Surrogate Spouse.)

Little Parent (to siblings)

Rebel / Transgressor (More INFPs than INFJs take on this role.)

The Invisible One

The Good One

Super-Achiever (More INFJs than INFPs take on this role.)

The Pure One / Virtuous One / Religious One

Mom or Dad’s Buddy

The Enabler / Co-Conspirator

Each of these roles is based on a false self, constructed partially by what the individual believes is expected of them and partially by cues that come from family members. It can be extremely difficult to break out of these roles if the INFJ or INFP has never known anything else.

Getting to know our true self is the key to freeing ourselves from continuing to play dysfunctional family roles.

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