Why INFJs Feel Rejected by Society

Lauren Sapala
3 min readJan 21, 2024

INFJ personality types have a hard time fitting into the mainstream, and this starts from a young age. Many INFJ personality types do not fit into their peer group in school when they are growing up, and they don’t fit into the workplace when they go into regular employment as an adult. It’s no surprise to many INFJs that they don’t fit into the mainstream, as this is something we have usually already noticed ourselves. However, it still makes us feel badly about ourselves.

INFJs are one of the types who are most focused on harmony within groups, so when we sense that our presence in a group is causing a misalignment in any way, we tend to internalize that and it causes us to feel shame. We feel that we are the problem, and that if we could only make ourselves more “normal,” then everything would be better. This is why many INFJs adopt an identity that is not actually reflective of their authentic self and personality, but instead is a shield and a front to be used in groups so that they will feel that they better fit in with the group dynamic and the group structure.

However, what happens is that our real self still comes out, usually in random bursts that we can’t control. This can happen when we let our guard down with another person, or when we’re so excited by an idea that we forget to hold back our real self in a group setting. We often then will receive a shocked or disapproving reaction from others, which triggers our shame and causes us to retreat and shut down.

I talk more about this in the video below:

I’m teaching a new class all about this topic called “Leveling Up Your Life 101,” and it starts on Wednesday, Jan 31. I’ve purposefully designed this class to be simple and easy for those who are going through transitions and looking to get some help in figuring out who they really are, and what they really want out of life.

In addition to the three regular teaching sessions for this class, I’m also adding a “visualization for manifestation” session as a bonus. I’m excited for this bonus session because I think it’s a great way for us to visualize what we want to bring into our lives, and then put that in writing as a way to activate those intentions.

Make sure you SUBSCRIBE to my newsletter HERE to get the next two videos in this series, and all the updates on when registration for Leveling Up Your Life 101 opens, and please also SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel here to get more videos on life as an INFJ or INFP. If you have any questions about the class, you can send them to me here.

I’ll see you soon with the next video in this series: INFJs (and INFPs) and Money Problems.

Lauren Sapala is the author of Writing on the Intuitive Side of the Brain, The INFJ Writer, The INFJ Revolution, and the creator of Energy and Intuition for INFJs, an online course for INFJs on intuition, relationships, creativity, and more. She is also currently offering a free copy of her book Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy.

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Lauren Sapala

Writer. Writing Coach. Author of The INFJ Writer: Cracking the Creative Genius of the World’s Rarest Type. www.laurensapala.com