Why INFJs Never Feel Seen

Lauren Sapala
3 min readJan 25, 2024

One of the biggest sources of distress for INFJ personality types in their lives is the feeling that they are never seen. This also happens frequently for INFP personality types. Both types report that they feel that they are not seen or accepted by family members, and that it is rare for them to find a friend who they feel truly sees them either. This causes such psychological distress for INFJs and INFPs because both types crave being seen, and also crave being accepted for who they truly are. It’s very important to INFJs and INFPs to feel authentic in their identity and expression with others, but this becomes difficult when we feel that others don’t actually understand who we are, or the way we operate as people.

The issue is complicated even more by the fact that most INFJs and INFPs are subconsciously terrified of being seen by others, because we fear that if someone sees our authentic self, they will reject us and we will end up outcasted by our family or friend group. Many INFJs and INFPs carry the mindset that mediocre relationships with others are better than no relationships at all, because we have never experienced anything else. So, we struggle with a constant conflict inside. We want desperately to drop the mask we’ve cultivated to protect ourselves from being seen for who we truly are, but at the same time we grip onto that mask out of fear of being rejected.

I talk more about this in the video below:

I’m teaching a new class called “Leveling Up Your Life 101” starting on Wednesday, Jan 31, and this is just one of the subjects we’ll be covering in the class. Relationships are always a sticky topic for INFJ and INFP personality types, and if we want to shift our lives, it’s essential that we look at what kind of energy is going on for us in the realm of relationships.

In addition to the three regular teaching sessions for this class, I’m also adding a “visualization for manifestation” session as a bonus. I’m excited for this bonus session because I think it’s a great way for us to visualize what we want to bring into our lives, and then put that in writing as a way to activate those intentions.

Make sure you SUBSCRIBE to my newsletter HERE to get the next videos in this series, and all the updates on when registration for Leveling Up Your Life 101 opens, and please also SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel here to get more videos on life as an INFJ or INFP. If you have any questions about the class, you can send them to me here.

I’d love to see you in this class!

Lauren Sapala is the author of Writing on the Intuitive Side of the Brain, The INFJ Writer, The INFJ Revolution, and the creator of Energy and Intuition for INFJs, an online course for INFJs on intuition, relationships, creativity, and more. She is also currently offering a free copy of her book Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy.



Lauren Sapala

Writer. Writing Coach. Author of The INFJ Writer: Cracking the Creative Genius of the World’s Rarest Type. www.laurensapala.com