Worried About Being Judged?

Lauren Sapala
3 min readNov 9, 2023

INFJ personality types tend to struggle with perfectionism, especially INFJ writers. When we struggle with perfectionism, we want to do everything perfectly, not only to satisfy our own inner critic but also to prevent others from judging us negatively.

The fear of negative judgment from others can affect our entire life. Why is this such a problem for some of us? Because it’s not just a worry, it’s an addiction to approval. This affects our writing, our creativity, and our entire lives.

When we suffer from perfectionism, we overthink everything we do and say, and we constantly worry about the reactions of others. Any expression of judgment can shut us down. We also constantly chase approval, and we may do things like take on more work than we need to or try to work harder than anyone else, or try to be the friend who is always there for everyone else, even when we don’t have the energy to give. We say “yes” a lot, when we really mean “no.”

These are all signs of approval addiction, and when someone has an addiction to approval, they only feel safe when they feel that others approve of what they are doing, what they are expressing, and who they are. They feel very unsafe when others do not approve of them, or disagree with what they are doing, what they are expressing, or who they are. So, they always try to be perfect, so that no one ever has an issue with what they are doing, expressing, or their way of being.

Obviously, this is impossible, and so it makes the person constantly experience psychological distress, because they are torn in two on the inside as they try to please and get that approval, while simultaneously repressing and punishing themselves when any hint of their true thoughts or feelings comes out.

I talk more about this in the video below:

I’m teaching a workshop for writers who struggle with perfectionism this Saturday, Nov 11 called Perfectionism: How to Heal Writing Anxiety, and we’ll be going deep into the root causes of perfectionism, and how to heal it.

The workshop is from 1:00–2:30pm EST, but will also be recorded for anyone who can’t make it live. You can register and find out more details here:

PERFECTIONISM: HOW TO HEAL WRITING ANXIETY

This is a great workshop for writers who are having trouble writing anything, and for more seasoned writers who are currently writing, but also still struggling with perfectionism. If you have any questions, please send them to me here.

And hopefully I’ll see you there!

Lauren Sapala is the author of The INFJ Writer, The INFJ Revolution, and the creator of Energy and Intuition for INFJs, an online course for INFJs on intuition, relationships, creativity, and more. She is also currently offering a free copy of her book Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy.

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Lauren Sapala

Writer. Writing Coach. Author of The INFJ Writer: Cracking the Creative Genius of the World’s Rarest Type. www.laurensapala.com